In all the words used above, ‘disguise’ and ‘performance’ got my
attention. I am not talking about using a mask for stage performances or to help
someone avoid an assailant. I mean the disguise and performance that have to do
with locking up who you really are so the world sees someone you feel they want
to see, the perfect man that receives accolades even when he cringes inside
with imperfection and pain.
I see broken hearts yearning for a pat on the back, for
someone to tell them everything will be alright. When they come out with their
brokenness rather than strength, do they receive support or become easy targets
for preys who seek their kind to prove to themselves that they still have some worth?
The preys are broken too, they have lost something but also do not know how to
cry out for help and feel free from the bondage inside, so they prey. The more
they see you whimper the more they feel accomplished and worthy.
Masks cover up who we truly are. They make a girl who has
been abused sexually dress up cute and come to class while she cries inside and
hates every guy she meets, sometimes she consents to attention from the next
guy who peers so she can feel relevant, relevant to herself and the voice in
her head that tells her she has become worthless; they make the guy who was
just duped and dumped by his girlfriend sit with the guys and drink till 1 am
then go home with a new girl every night, just to prove to himself that he is
still a man; then the woman whose husband is cheating either decides to start
wearing shorter skirts which make everyone suspicious or abandons herself
altogether, like ‘who cares’? ‘Who cares’ is still a mask, one that makes you
hurt yourself instead of dealing with the issue at hand. One that blinds you to
the possibilities beyond the incident, that closes you up to realizing what you
would have done differently so you can choose another course of action the
next time.
The truth is we all do not want repeat episodes of pain.
When people are given medicinal injections, most times they look away. They
look away because they do not want to see the source and the process of pain,
so they face a seemingly safe direction, waiting for it to end. That’s the
stance we take sometimes when faced with situations that seem helpless,
hopeless or unspeakable; we look away by waiting and praying for them to end, but do
they? I have learnt that until you are
able to look pain straight in the eye, you could become a target for recurrent
pain. Until you know the ‘why’ and the ‘how’ you will continuously find
yourself in situations you don’t expect. The ‘why’ and the ‘how’ are like wings
that help you beat the law of gravity imposed on you, they help you soar high
above every obstacle, every challenge, every pain. Statistics show that sexual assault victims are more
likely to have repeat incidences, that second or third marriages are more
likely to end up in divorce than first, that only about half of businesses
still exist after five years. Why?
A man I respect dearly said the fact that you have
experienced something once does not mean you know what it takes to ensure it
doesn’t happen again. It is true that knowledge is said to have power, but as
far as I am concerned, it is accurate knowledge that has power. If you lost money
trying out a business, until you know why you lost money and how you can avoid it,
you will lose some more if you try that same line of business the same way you
did before. Same for other areas of our lives.
Masks will keep you from having the right perspective, from
asking for and receiving help and support when you need them, from believing in
yourself and being ready to deal with repeat painful experiences, from reaching
your full potential as an individual, being all you were created to be.
Remember, a mask needs to be held in place, you have to
always check to ensure it does not fall off, mastering your art of deception.
My suggestion is that the same energy you use to hold the mask in place
continuously can be converted to take it off once and for all. Am I insensitive
to the fact that taking off the mask can cause pain and shame? No! I know that
sometimes the mask is taken off before people who do not have your best
interest at heart, but you need courage so that you can take it off
again when you meet those who can truly help. It is a mask, I don’t want to see
the mask, I want to see you because you are wonderfully made, greatness resides
on your inside, there can be only one of you on planet earth, you are unique.
And to those who are quick to judge flaws they see in
people, this is a call to sensitivity. Flaws may just be red lights showing you
that something is wrong on the inside; the girl without manners may always seek
attention, that guy in your office may be a flirt, the young man who drives you
to work may always be broke and that woman in your neighbourhood may not care
about her looks. Before you pass judgement, let there be a hearing, you
may just be able to help them with correction, help them take the masks off. We
all need our masks off.
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